Take one drink when the first zombie appears.
Take two drinks when the first zombie is shot in the head.
Take three drinks if bullets are wasted on a zombie’s torso or limbs.
Take one drink if a zombie demostrates an ability to reason.
Take one drink if a zombie continues to perform its living occupation.
Take two drinks if a non-human or child zombie appears.
Take three drinks if an abnormally powerful zombie appears.
Take two drinks if a character says the word “zombie.”
Take one drink if the origin of the zombies is explained.
Turn off the movie and take two drinks if a character ignores an ominous radio or television broadcast.
Take three drinks if the characters have apparently never seen a zombie film.
Take one drink if the means to destroy a zombie is explained.
Take another drink if it is explained by demonstration.
Take one drink if it is revealed that the zombies are not animate corpses.
Take one drink if a zombie says “brains.”
Stop drinking if a zombie says anything intelligible.
Take one drink if a zombie is not shown on-screen for ten minutes.
Take two drinks if a zombie is incapacitated but not “killed.”
Take one drink if a female character becomes hysterical.
Take a drink away from a female participant if a female character indulges in acting conspicuously tough.
Take one drink if a Nazi zombie appears.
Take one drink if a character mistakes a cat, dog, other animal, or living human for a zombie.
Take two drinks if they mistakenly shoot this animal or living human.
Take one drink if a security guard, police officer, soldier, or other armed authority figure appears.
Take two drinks when the character is inevitably betrayed by armed authority figure.
Pour some of your drink on the floor if a character runs out of ammunition and bravely faces an inevitable demise.
Offer food and/or concern to drunkest participant when a doctor or scientist first appears.
Female participants take one drink if a male character becomes nude, two drinks if it is a zombie.
Male participants take one drink if a female character becomes nude, no drinks if it is a zombie.
Shotgun a beer when the first shotgun appears.
Take one drink if a character awakens from a zombie nightmare.
If Ken Foree makes a cameo, take five drinks.
If the nightmare is within a nightmare, take two drinks for each level.
Take one drink if a character goes into a basement or underground.
Take two drinks if a character goes to a rooftop or climbs any structure for safety.
Take one drink if a character hides a zombie attack wound from another character.
Take two drinks if the first person they attack is a loved one.
Take a drink if a lost or forgotten loved one returns as a zombie.
Take one drink if a character uses fire against a zombie.
Take a drink if any resturant or retail establishment is gleefully pillaged.
Take a drink if a character is in denial about the situation.
Drink water if water appears as an obstacle or provides safety to a character.
Take one drink when an armed or armored homemade vehicle first appears.
Take three drinks if a montage of this vehicle being built is shown.
If Tom Savini makes a cameo, finish your drink.
Take one drink if a structure is fortified against an attack.
If a character begins hammering, drink until the hammering stops or the last nail is used.
Take one drink if a token ethnic character is killed.
Take one drink if any character displays uncharacteristic cowardice or heroism.
Take one drink if a zombie carries a disembodied limb.
Take one drink for ironic soundtrack selections.
Take three drinks if there is a lighthearted bonding montage.
Take two drinks if a zombie without legs is still mobile.
Take three drinks if a character shows an inexplicable mastery of weapons or combat.
If George A. Romero makes a cameo, drink for the duration.
Take one drink if a character is unable to kill an infected loved one.
Finish drink if another character is forced to kill this infected loved one.
If someone claims a cameo of a friend of a friend or anything that cannot be verified with a phone call, they must drink until unconsciousness.
Take one drink if a character commits suicide rather than being devoured by zombies.
Take three drinks if, in the process of committing suicide, the character destroys zombies.
Finish all available drinks if the authorities enact a “containment protocol”
(e.g. detonate a nuclear bomb).

Original brainstorm (brainstorm? delicious!) copyright © Nathan Lamoreau
(recreational drinker, prospector, skull collector, apocalypse connoisseur), 2010

* if the game lasts longer than the movie.

This post was submitted by david james keaton.

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Cover every orifice. Comet Press’ new collection SICK THINGS: AN ANTHOLOGY OF EXTREME CREATURE HORROR is making a beeline for the soft contents of your body—and it doesn’t care one bit where it makes its grand entrance, orbital sockets or otherwise. Rest assured this violation will be painful, given the tight confinements of our fallible frames of flesh—but anything less than a full-on ass-rape would probably seem insufficient in the eyes of editrix Cheryl Mullenax.

Read the full review at Fangoria

Available at Amazon in paperback and kindle.

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What do the undead have in common? They’re dead. But that is where the similarities end in Deadcore. Join authors Randy Chandler, Ben Cheetham, Edward M. Erdelac, and David James Keaton as they unleash the carnage while breathing new life, and death, into the genre with four unique and zombie-licious novellas.

Dead Juju by Randy Chandler

He’s the mystery man on the news. Where he shows up, the shit goes down. The dead are rising, the immigration issue has reached the boiling point, the living are screwed, and unspeakable acts are being performed upon all involved. In this tale of Zombies Gone Wild, yes the dead walk but just where the hell are they going and why? Dead Juju gives you the hardcore truth, if you’re ghoul enough to handle it.

Randy Chandler is the author of the two solo novels Bad Juju and Hellz Bellz, and authored Duet for the Devil with the late t. Winter-Damon.

Night of the Jikininki by Edward M. Erdelac

After a comet is observed in the western sky of feudal Japan, a murdered inmate rises from the dead and attacks his fellow prisoners. Three disparate men: a casteless bandit, a mad, child-eating monk, and a renowned but sadistic samurai band together to escape the walled and moat-surrounded prison as it fills with the walking and ravenous dead.

Edward M. Erdelac is the author of Dubaku and The Merkabah Rider series of weird westerns from Damnation Books, as well as Red Sails from Lyrical Press. More…

Zee Bee & Bee (a.k.a. Propeller Hats For The Dead) by David James Keaton

At a “Zombie Bed & Breakfast” tourist trap, guests pay for the thrill of a staged zombie assault during an apocalyptic scenario, acted out by sluggish hotel workers who are well-versed in the zombie genre. But soon the script doesn’t go as planned, the guests become uncooperative, and the actors are taking their roles very seriously these days…

David James Keaton’s short fiction has recently appeared in Comet Press’s dark crime anthology The Death Panel, as well as Thuglit, Espresso Stories, Big Pulp, Six Sentences, Pulp Pusher, and Crooked. More…

Zombie Safari by Ben Cheetham

Survivors of a zombie apocalypse have carved out new existences on islands, only visiting the mainland to hunt zombies. But things start to go wrong. Zombies don’t die as they should. Hunters go missing. A trip that’s supposed to be fun turns into a struggle for survival as four men makes a discovery that causes him to question not only what it means to be a zombie, but what it means to be human.

Ben Cheetham’s short fiction has won awards and been published in numerous magazines and anthologies in the UK, US and Australia. More…

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Table of Contents

Devils by Randy Chandler
Threshold by Fred Venturini
This is My Body by Lawrence Conquest
Hunger Pangs by Matt Kurtz
Fly on the Wall by Stephanie Bedwell-Grime
Legacy of the Last Invader by M. Shaw
Acceptable Losses by Simon Wood
An Unfortunate Incident at the Slaughterhouse by Harper Hull
Rotsworth by Kurt Bachard
Evil, Bent, and Candy-Sweet by Tim Curran
Heat by Daniel I. Russell
The Neglected by Sean Logan
Betty and the Cambion by Ralph Greco, Jr.
Jimmy Sticks and the Outlaw Critter of Doom by Michael Boatman
Ranching the Sleore by Aaron Polson
Paper Angels on Fire by John Shirley
The Special Son by Jeffrey Hale

Editor: Cheryl Mullenax

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Release date: June 15, preorder your copy now.

Rotsworth by Kurt Bachard
Fly on the Wall by Stephanie Bedwell-Grime
Jimmy Sticks and the Outlaw Critter of Doom by Michael Boatman
Devils by Randy Chandler
This is My Body by Lawrence Conquest
Evil, Bent, and Candy-Sweet by Tim Curran
Betty and the Cambion by Ralph Greco, Jr.
The Special Son by Jeffrey Hale
An Unfortunate Incident at the Slaughterhouse by Harper Hull
Hunger Pangs by Matt Kurtz
The Neglected by Sean Logan
Ranching the Sleore by Aaron Polson
Heat by Daniel I. Russell
Legacy of the Last Invader by M. Shaw
Paper Angels on Fire by John Shirley
Threshold by Fred Venturini
Acceptable Losses by Simon Wood

Editor: Cheryl Mullenax

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THE SCRUBS is the story of James Jeter, a notorious serial killer with a sixth sense, holds court inside London’s Wormwood Scrubs Prison. He’s the focus of the “North Wing Project.” Under the influence of a hallucinogen, Jeter can create an alternative world known as “The Rift” containing the souls of his victims. Pardons are on offer to inmates who’ll enter The Rift. Michael Keeler has nothing to lose and little to live for. He’s sent into The Rift to learn the identity of Jeter’s last victim. It’s a mission where the guilty can be redeemed, but at a price…
The prison’s name inspired the story. The Scrubs is the nickname for Wormwood Scrubs, a real prison in London. I was thinking about names of places and things and how we forget their original meanings. You say Wormwood Scrubs to anyone in London, they’ll think of the prison, not why it was named that. I considered the name Wormwood Scrubs and pictured a field of wormwood in place of the prison and my imagination started turning. I turned my attention to wormwood itself. For those that don’t know, it’s a dangerous plant. It’s essentially poisonous and a hallucinogen. It’s what used to go into absinthe, until it was decided it was too dangerous. I had images of the prisoners affected by what used to grow under their feet and how that might change if someone with special abilities were affected by wormwood’s properties. From that I knew I had the foundation for a wild tale and I decided to have a flawed hero take on an evil man under the influence of a dangerous hallucinogen.

I know I’m biased, but I have a real fondness for the story as it pulls together so many elements and genres from horror and sci-fi to hardboiled crime. It’s a very vivid tale, which I think will stick with people. I love writing about damaged heroes and Michael Keeler falls neatly into that mold as a guy looking for redemption. I hope readers get behind his need to redeem himself while combating a vile antagonist.

THE SCRUBS is the first book in a trilogy of tales. The other books SCRUBBERS and SCRUB LAND will be finished later this year.

I released the book under my pen name of all things very dark, Simon Janus, to separate myself from my more typical crime thrillers.

The eBook is available from Amazon Kindle, Smashwords and Apple—and from Sony and Barnes & Noble soon. The paperback is still available from Horror Mall.

People can read an excerpt on my website.

I’m really proud of the piece and I hope people will give it a closer look.

Regards,
Simon wood
simonwoodwrites@yahoo.com
www.simonwood.net

PS: Thanks to Cheryl for giving me some blog inches.

This post was submitted by simonsubs.

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But that morning I’d just gotten word of my zombie story “Zee Bee & Bee” getting into the new Comet Press 250-pound anthology (sweeeeet), so to celebrate we decided to check out Monroeville Zombies, a.k.a. The Mysterious New Zombie Museum at the Monroeville Mall, home of George Romero’s orginal masterpiece Dawn of the Dead. Maybe she could add this to her tour? Pleeeeease? This was easier said than done. First off, it was getting late in the day, and we were still dealing with Hiroshima.

Jen signed a waiver before she started eating the nuclear wings, but where was my waiver? Because the boneless wings with the “mild” sauce (translation “for pussies”) that I’d ordered were barely friggin’ edible. Amy was filming Jen’s valiant, red-faced attempt to get down that last wing Cool Hand Luke style (Burning Hand Luke?) but I kept trying to turn her camera on my desperate attempts to penetrate a boneless wing (“wing,” my ass) with a plastic fork. Impossible. This was the true challenge they did not advertise. Luckily, there were wrenches and screwdrivers glued to the walls because, hey, it’s a theme joint. But I have to assume those are really there in case of a rubber chicken penetration emergency.

So, while I was still whining about my meal, Jen ate that last toxic fin, er, wing, grabbed her “trophy” (a.k.a. “bumper sticker”) and we ran out the door to meet my friend Nate at the mall before the exhibit closed. See, Nate’s kind of a zombie connoisseur and the type of guy who takes his apocalyptic scenarios more seriously than most, so I figured he’d dig this “museum” we’d somehow missed.

By the way, there will be more scare quotes than usual in this adventure. You know, the ones they used in newspaper headlines to be sly? Apologies. I mean, “sorry.”

Okay, so it’s like 5:15, and the internet is telling us the Zombie Museum closes at 6:00. So we come flying in the Barnes & Noble side of the mall at Mach 2, and we (me) immediately get distracted by zombie anthologies and DVDs. So by the time we get into the mall itself to find the directory, it’s 5:30. And, of course, there’s no listing for anything containing the word “zombie” or “museum.”

Amy tries asking some employees at a jewelry store and gets back an audible scoff in return. Nope, no idea what she’s talking about. So Amy and Jen wander off to get some ice cream, sort of giving up (and Jen needs ice cream to wash the delicious atomic chemicals out of her mouth) but me and Nate are still hopeful. We notice a GameStop out of the corner of our eye (“Gotta be movie geeks in there, right, right?!”) and run inside.

There are two employees working. One a very athletic-looking young man who’s not doing much of anything. The other a slovenly, disheveled basement dweller-type who is furiously helping some screeching family buy games for their Wii. I chose poorly. The sporty kid doesn’t seem to understand anything I’m saying, let alone where this mysterious museum is. But like a chorus of angels, Disheveled tips his head towards us, never even looking up from his transaction to bark out:

“Take a right out of the store, take a left by the escalators, a left where they used to sell snowmobiles, a right where Old Man Witherspoon’s barn used to be, a right near the creek, left near the Hurricane Booth, and there you’ll find a toy store. It’s in the back of the toy store.”

Holy shit, we’re back in business. 5:53 and counting. As me and Nate run out and grab Jen and Amy like a couple of footballs, I swear I see Disheveled mutter into his watch just like those creepy undercover aliens in They Live:

“I’m sending down four.”

And there it is. Buried in the back, a converted storeroom entrance in the shadows of this toy store reads, “Zombie Museum.” And it apparently doesn’t close any time soon. None of this “open till 6:00″ bullshit like it warns you on the website. And there’s no one in here at all. Just some punk on his laptop messing with Facebook who doesn’t even stop Jen and Amy from bringing in their ice cream.

But for a museum, hell, it’s not that bad. Small but heartfelt. Sad but earnest. Among the attractions: full-size replicas of the Nazi Zombie from Shockwave, Poor Doomed Flyboy and pint-sized Roger from the original Dawn of the Dead (Flyboy in his tragic limp-necked final state), the barrel with the Army stamp and phone number from Return of the Living Dead (yeah, don’t dial down the center, dude, unless you want a mushroom cloud), authentic severed limb props from the original trilogy with the blood bladders and tubes still attached, a TV running the special features off the ‘78 Dawn of the Dead DVD (I think), an actual framed newspaper headline from Day of the Dead screaming, “The Dead Walk!” but, of course, with none of those insincere quotation marks to ruin it, and…

The coffin ride.

Wh-What? Well, there’s this full-size coffin being guarded by that first zombie from Night of the Living Dead. But he’s holding up a sign that says, “Sorry! Coffin Ride Out Of Order.” Only there’s nothing to indicate that this is a “ride.” Just a coffin. And a small milk crate step to climb up and in. No electrical cords, no lights, no controls of any kind. Just the coffin. We start to suspect that this “coffin ride” might be, uh, death? If it wasn’t out of order, maybe you would pay your dollar and…get shot in the face? It raised all sorts of questions. At first, we thought maybe it sort of vibrated like those lame vehicles outside a K-Mart, but the more we talked about it, the more we were sure it meant that you would be killed. We didn’t dare ask the punk at the counter ’cause I learned my lesson when I foolishly tried to get an extra large T-shirt that said “Monroeville Zombies” on it. I only saw small and mediums hanging, and Spacebook mumbled, “No, those are the most popular, so we never have ‘em.” Very Yogi Berra. Like saying, “Yeah, no one goes to that restaurant anymore because it’s too crowded.”

So, anyway, that’s about it. We watched the TV cycling the special features off the Day of the Dead DVD so I could point out that all the zombie extras were also munching on hot wings during those movies (apparently because it most resembled delicious human flesh), got some cool snapshots of the scale-model dollhouse replica of the Monroeville Mall of the ’70s (ice rink!), even snuck some bubblgum machine Homies onto the teeny escalators to pose for some pics with the zombie toys (security was lax, remember?), and when other people started to wander on in, we wandered on out. But at the door, some little brat seemed to be making fun of the meager attractions, and Nate surprised us all by cornering him away from his parents and hissing:

“Listen, kid, when I was your age, zombies were real!”

And get this, it turned out this “Hurricane Booth” actually existed, too. But it was as broken as the coffin ride. It promised “200 mile per hour winds!” and we bullied Amy inside (because she was the only one of us wearing a skirt) and I desperately tried to get it to take my dollar. Nothing. Well, not exactly nothing. The second the glass door closed, a crowd magically appeared, expectant looks on their faces. I’m not kidding. It was like BAM. Suddenly there was a crowd watching me fumble with my soggy dollar and Amy scratch at the glass. I swear some of them must have rappelled out of the ceiling to see some nudity. But much to their disappointment, we let her back out of the booth, never knowing what it really did, if anything(microwave?). But I suspect its function is to imitate a hurricane by doing nothing except spitting out a small piece of paper that reads, “Now you’re homeless.”

Oh, yeah, there really was a creek, too. More like a stagnant little pond right outside the store with a tiny bridge going across it. A stern sign nearby warned, “Don’t feed the fish!” and it was packed full of those bloated, sluggish mutant coy (koys?) things you see at the zoo. Remember those horrific ponds? Talk about an aquarium of the undead.

But this was also full of money. So, apparently, you couldn’t feed them because that’s cruel, but you could whip coins (koins?) at their heads. One of the big ones even had this big, nasty black hole on its back right near the gills. Clearly the result of a child’s wish gone wrong. What did the kid say who threw those lethal pennies? “I hope these fishies are happy!” Smack. “I wuv you!” Thud.

We did consider trying to “rescue” the injured one for a good minute or so. Translation, “grab the struggling, diseased, foot-long monster and bumble out the door chased by security so it can die in my car.”

Coffin ride indeed.

This post was submitted by david james keaton.

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Deadline for Sick Things Creature Anthology (short stories): May 1, 2010. Details

Deadline for Deadcore Zombie Anthology (novellette/novella length): July 1, 2010. Details

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Read the full review at Horror World

These noir themed plotlines in the stories presented in The Death Panel are like a deep breath of fresh air; it’s nice to break with convention occasionally and these stories do so wonderfully.  I found myself glued to this book, and when finished, I wanted to read more, it was that enjoyable.   So if you’re looking for something a little different to read in your horror fiction, a book with stories that are edgy and cool as all hell, then pick up The Death Panel, and then be prepared to be blown away by some of the best genre short story fiction written in the last few years.   Yes, this book is that good.

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